I have rewritten the first paragraph 30 times. I feel out of breath.

I have all the thoughts wriggling around and I can’t seem to get them out into coherent sentences.
Like a stuck sneeze.

Let’s instead focus on my 50 year old Mr.

His ideal birth-day, which was not all that dissimilar to his regular days off.

Coffee on the beach with the Goof.

Rover Bagel for breakfast.

Sushi with friends for dinner.

I think it’s a beautiful thing to get to a point in life, that you get to do exactly what you want on your birthday.

And a party on the weekend.

Apple picking (and preserving) in the northeast is sacred.

We have it down to a science.

Start with breakfast. You will regret stuffing yourself with apples.

(Country fried steak is surprisingly hard to find on the east coast.)

Wear proper picking attire.

These were my dads overalls, now they are mine.
Out of countless pairs, these are my favorite.

Husband to carry.
Remember to balance your load.

Spend a stupid amount of money on apples that you pick yourself.

Most important – go to an orchard that makes apple cider donuts.
Donuts right out of the fryer are superior.

He loves his soft pretzels.

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We beach a lot…

Off to Montana…

I believe I’ve talked before about my journey to discover, or simply define what “home” is to me.
It’s evolved. At this point is all over the map (literally and figuratively).
I always go through this when I travel back to Montana. I makes me feel all the emotions.

How I feel today: Home is the people you love, and/or places you feel safe. 
Wherever.

I have a checklist while I’m back.

Dinner with my brother is very close to the top. Even though there is 12 years between us, we click. He is home.

A super artsy image of his headlights…

This is a a picture of my best friend and I back in what I’m assuuummminggg is like 1993/94 – it’s easily 30 years old. We still to this day prefer being together somewhere up in the mountains, driving around on a back road. 

Montana on a whole is no longer “home” but man, the mountains sure are.
And she defiantly is.

Newest members of our brood. Henry and William

My sister is digging being a grandma. (So weird to say that.)

Other sister with other baby.

The older I get, the more I appreciate having siblings I like.

Great Grandma…

My oldest niece Casey Jane, now has three babies.
I remember her when she was this tiny

Edward…

For the last several years, my trip back has revolved around senior pictures for one of my nieces or nephews.

This was my last, Emma is the youngest grandchild.

As long as who you’re photographing stays looking great, it simply doesn’t matter if you end up in the swamp.

Sam. My parents favorite child.

Montana trip from a few years back…

That time it was for Emily…

See.
It’s what we do.

Today is Election Day!
And so you should.

My reason for voting?
Privilege.
I think about all the people elsewhere in the world, traveling for days, on foot, risking their lives, just to vote.
I vote for them.

Whatever your reason…

You know when a pendulum swings all the way out and hits that pause right before it swings back the other way? To me, that’s early August to mid/late September. The Pause.
Fair Season.
Warm days. Cool nights.

Something I’m really trying to work on right now is staying present. Stop wishing away this time in favor of a future time. (Which I will in turn wish away to the next time.)
Naturally I’d be wishing for fall at this time. Deep Fall. Halloween Fall.
So! I’m appreciating sweaters in the morning, tank tops in the afternoon.

For now, have some early Summer.

My parents came to Maine in June, It made my heart so happy to have them here.
I lost all the pictures off my phone from when they were here, luckily James had a couple…

I think our favorite part was the botanical gardens up in Booth Bay.
I highly recommend if you are in the area…

You can’t come to Maine and not go look at a lighthouse.

Random backyard photo shoot…

Costco.
One of my favorite places.
Grocery shopping makes me so happy.

My good friend, Elisabeth (yes, with an “s”) has the best crab apple tree in her yard. We picked them all last week and made apple butter.
I have not tried it yet. Today hopefully.

(I’ve since tried it, and it’s fantastic! Tastes nothing like traditional apple butter.)

We live in an old mill town on the Saco River, in Southern Maine. (For those of you who are getting caught up.)
That means very cool areas right outside our door to walk Max.

Dream Spot.

This is my salon, also in the same area. I’ll post more on that later.

Cabaret fundraiser for a friend.

Monthly Full Moon Women’s Circle.
Self care for your soul.

We go to the beach several times a week.
Soon to be more! Labor Day marks the end to “dog hours” on a lot of beaches.
Now they can be off leash all day, any day. Makes my insides sparkle. Max’s too.

Our guilty pleasure.

Libraries are one of my happy places.
My mom was a librarian, it makes sense.

My friend’s sister came to town with her band.
Backyard concerts are my favorite.

I’m off to Montana tomorrow to photograph number 13’s (Emma Elizabeth) senior portraits.
I’m excited for an entire week of friend/family love.

Thursday is Chocolate Milkshake Day, I just so happen to be spending the day with the number one fan of chocolate milkshakes. And so we shall…

Until next time, Loves…

At the moment he’s wearing his birthday suit, sitting in his new birthday sauna, while his birthday apple galette bakes in the oven.
Pretty OK day so far…

I asked him what he learned in his first fifty years….
“Not nearly enough.”

Here’s to the next 50! Hopefully getting smarter.

Baby Max.

Weekend we met in person…

Finding a Dunks on the West Coast for National Doughnut Day.

His “majestic” stage of growth.

First Day of Acupuncture School…

This is a post that I published a very long time ago, and somehow managed to erase all the text and unpublish it. So it has been sitting in my drafts since 2016. I always meant to come back and add my thoughts back in. But, I didn’t. Looking back through it now makes my heart hurt. Two main things I am still, and will always be grieving for. I’ll talk more on that when I can.

Enjoy the pictures, they are the best part anyway.

“Someday I want a big ol’ overwhelming garden!”

This is the beginning of that someday.

When I got hired on to manage the farm portion of Caswell Farm (2022 season) this is what I started with, and I couldn’t have been happier. This was my dream.

When they dug the posts for the high tunnel they destroyed all pre-existing growing space.
So, I started from scratch with some hand tools, and that weird thing inside ADHD people that makes them think they can do anything if they work hard enough at it.

I moved so much earth that spring.
Wet soil, is heavy soil.

The ground there defiantly leans toward the clay side, so messing with it when it hasn’t dried out properly is asking for trouble down the line, but sometimes you don’t have time to wait…

And that right there feels like an accurate summary of my two years on The Farm.

I was stressed AF the entire time. But, I grew some beautiful vegetables.

This is Brian.
The on-site caterer. He prepares the food for the weddings that happen out there in the summer.

He is a good egg.

This is Al.
Also a quality human.
And, World class hugger.

And his Reggie.

Bees…

The catalpa tree is one of my favorite things on the property.
It blooms a bit before the Fourth of July every year. It was cool to see how the weather affected the bloom time from year to year.

My Girl…

I’m not ready for that conversation yet.

My very first turning tomato of the season. It’s an exciting moment.

A start…

Until next time, Loves.
I’m off to Costco.

32 years is a very long time to miss someone.
I still wonder what our lives would be like if you never went away.

I don’t miss nightgowns. What a terrible invention.

(Insert the sound of me blowing into a microphone.)

In this day I could probably find a file of someone actually doing that, and that would be cool. The most I could manage this morning: finding and downloading my favorite font that I use in the watermark for my photos, that I no longer have, which I should, because it’s my favorite.
(You missed my ramblings…)

So much has changed in the 1128 days since last we chatted (I’m not counting the last post). Likely I’ll paraphrase the last three years, while also starting from today – just so you know the plan. There won’t be much, because like I said…

The reason I decided long ago, to do a blog (still hate that word) is because if I do not have something to do with my photos, I will not shoot. (Social media still makes me gag.) And I have to shoot. It levels me out, settles my nervous system, and sings to my soul.
I’m ready to be here again, doing this again. My safe place to ramble, use improper punctuation, swear, and put up my photos of nothing in particular. And! most importantly: listen to my mom say “I just love your flower pictures so much”.

So to any of you who are new, welcome.

Hi Mom.

We’ll just start with this. And not overthink it. And not perfect it.

Oh, holy cow…(as I look at August 17) Happy Thrift Shop Day!! (Which instantly makes me think of my MIL and SIL.) Go forth and THRIFT!
I’ll see you again soon, Loves.

Happy semi-normal summer!

The Mr. and I have started looking at houses. We knew right away we wanted to stay, plus dogs make finding a good rental almost impossible.

By nature I like simple and calm. I get overwhelmed easy, my brain tries to take it ALL in. Living downtown in a city is a challenge. I love it, however it keeps me a bit stimulated.

I get enough peopling in during my work day. I want peace when I come home. And growing things… Summer makes me wish for my future garden. Looking at houses made it worse. We are all so very ready for outdoor space again.

I want to be moving out by spring, at the latest.
Just putting it out there…

I got a new lens! It’s inspiring.

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Wynn found her spot…

We had a sleep over at friends. It was so very fun.

And isn’t that the most beautiful blueberry french toast casserole you have ever seen.
I want a kitchen with pretty light…

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We went out for our first meal, inside – post vaccine…

9 times out of 10, if there’s a burger on the menu, I will order it.

I just like them.

And french fries.

First East Coast oyster since moving back. NE oysters really are the best.

We both fell in love with this little crappy house. We started looking at houses like 25 minutes before this open house, but we still wanted it and were deeply disappointed we didn’t get it… in a housing boom with none of our pre-qualifier paperwork done yet.

Something just right will be there when we’re truly ready. We know that.

We still hope something falls through with this house and we get it. It is a four minute walk from J’s work. So perfect!

Marty, the guy we were talking to, was born in the house that is now Jade Integrated Health (J’s clinic).

Life is fun!

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We met Mike and Kristi (J’s cousin) outside Portsmouth for lunch. More of our favorite people, we are surrounded…

We met at this place. I found a garden out back, that’s always a plus in my book.

The Mr. has been waiting to eat at this place since we moved here.

This is okonomiyaki, you can’t find it many places. It’s lovely.

Andee and Rudy came up for the night… We are loving getting to see friends again.

And just like that, we’re all caught up…

National Ice Cream Day is this coming Sunday. It’s like they knew it was a 1000 degrees everywhere.

What is your favorite flavor??
Mine is either cinnamon stick or blueberry cheesecake. J’s is anything coffee related, or maple nut.

I miss and love you all! Maine is still awesome, come visit!

So much has happened since last we chatted, but at the same time, not much has.
Thats the name of the game right, balance…

This is officially the longest I’ve gone between posts.

I started a new job three weeks ago. So far so good.
Akari (salon and spa) is a four minute walk from my front door. Since we live, and would like to remain living in, downtown Portland, it seemed feasible for me to find a job in the city so we didn’t need to get another car.
(I’ll fill you in more later.)

For the first time in well over a year, we are going to get to see the majority of peoples faces.
I’m both excited and weirded out by it.

Wow, these pictures are old.

I got sick in February, I kinda lost my shit: mentally and physically. It consumed me for three months. Very dark days in the Constantine household…
I’m felling pretty ok now.

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I’m happy it’s finally Spring, this winter was painfully long.

Sun on my face is my new favorite thing.

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I love you all.
Just so you know.

We still go to the beach as much as we can. The boy needs to run. One downside to summer is the beaches are closed to dogs most of the day.
We just plan better.

He’s not a puppy anymore.

This was one of my first real meals in a very long time. When you spend an extended period drinking your food, you appreciate meatballs when you finally get them.
(SLAB, one of our Portland favorites.)

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We stopped for lunch at a place by the side of the road on a recent day trip. They just happened to be playing music. So we got lunch and CCR covers… We have good luck.

Blueberry cheesecake for me, Coffee for the Mr.

Now that it’s warmer, I’ll actually go out at night and photograph. I greatly dislike the cold. I’m weak, I admit it.
I also feel better having a companion that looks like he could eat your face off.

Our first cannoli in Portland…

Today was National Rescue a Dog Day. That, like Valentines Day, should be everyday.

I miss all of you like crazy. I hope to see your faces soon…

Happy 2021, Loves!!!

I feel so inspired right now! I usually do this time of year; I love fresh starts…

Short of something crazy happening we’ll be in Maine for awhile. We are content. And that is a good feeling going into a new year.

HAHA! It is now February 1, and it’s cold, and all I want to do is lay in bed and read.

My Christmas tree is still up.

I just learned that tomorrow is a snow day at work.
A gift from above.

Maybe I’ll take down the tree, or dust it.

This is Jade! The reason we moved here…
James’ window is the one in the main house, top floor facing the drive way.

Our first Portland guests.

We’re thankful that we still live close to family. Jame’s cousin’s live an hour and a half away. And halfway between us is Portsmouth, NH, one of my favorite places.
Someday…

I’ve started allowing myself to be hopeful about this coming fall. Maybe a little more freedom…?
I even miss the dream of traveling.

My boys…

Happy Halloween!!

Isn’t it nice to get some fall color in the middle of winter.
It is my procrastinator self talking, but still true.

The Mr. and I love this building. There are a lot of very cool places here. Old brick buildings are the best…

Living downtown has its perks. It also has 10.5 hour long, horn honking sessions.

And our apartment windows are shit.

I do still like being near that kind of energy though…

First attempt at scones: Too big a batch, so I could’t spread them far enough out in the pan.
And the fruit made them too wet, even with added flour.

King! do you recognize this!? and the one behind is from the same company!
There is a picture below that has a third that was added later in the month. I love them all!

Work Christmas party…

This year I am thankful for:
James finding his place to settle and grow.
Our pups.
Family.
Portland.
Living by the ocean again.
Time to work on me.

James and I stopped getting a whole turkey a couple years ago. We both prefer dark meat, so really there was no point getting a whole. This year what we got was terrible! Such a bummer.
It’s like the turkey’s whole diet consisted of something weird, like poptarts.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving lunch together.
Yup, that’s my parent’s puppy with a spot at the table…

There are just some windows that are made for Christmas trees…

And some hallways look like they should have twin girls in blue dresses at the end of them.

!!

!!

Pot roast in a cast iron dutch oven.
It’s the simple things in life…

The only way I can get them both to look at me? Pie from this place.
And cheese.

I feel ya, brother.

I call this one: “Waiting on a photographer”.

My friends sent me Meyer lemons from their tree in Oakland . They are worth doing something special with if you can get your hands on them. We made cookies, limoncello, and fermented a jar full. More on that when we use them for something…

He. loves. snow.

Happy Holidays, Loves!

Second and much improved scone attempt. I’m sticking to no fruit ones for now.
Below are eggnog… There wasn’t anything I would have changed.

This looks like a person, but is not, and we can’t figure out what it actually is. It still makes me jump every time I glance at it.

Early NYE dog walk…

There is a hotel down on the water that always seems to have fires going on their patio whether anyone is there to enjoy them or not. So we decided to see if they also liked dogs.
They like dogs.
Max, however, come to realize, does not like to be surrounded by fire — one, fine — six, no.
It was a quick beverage.

Later evening celebration with Rudy and Andee.
(We went with to pick up their dinner.)

A very joyous, productive, peaceful, healing 2021!

My first part of 2021 is all things photo.
(I split the year into quarters; it allows me to be more selective and purposeful, and stay open to change.)
My new computer arrives this week. That will help smooth the ride…

I don’t think I’ve put a link to my website on here yet. So…
https://www.barbarabelle.com/
Step one…

Growing food and taking pictures, those are my loves. Those two things are getting most of my 2021 energy… Mostly photo, since we live on the third floor with zero outdoor space.

I hope all of you get to work toward something worthwhile this year…