I’ve had to go into my much earlier posts on several occasions recently. I inevitability find myself scrolling, usually sobbing, through several years. It’s just so much Wynn.
I started this 14 years ago, that is incredible to me. I was better about posting back then.

Life (and my brain) would be better if I gave this space more attention…

I had a member of my very small audience mention that it was far more fun when I posted often… She’s right.
It’s always at the top of my “to do” and “be better at” list. It used to be something I just did, now, the stars have to align, on the perfect day, with the right hormones driving the bus. Life, man…

I also don’t want all my posts starting with an apology for my short-comings… So! It will happen when it happens (inner kind voice) and I will try harder (inner cheerleader – but not the one I was in high school, she was a disaster (she was dealing with some stuff, give her a break (inner kind voice again -we like her)).

We are not renewing our lease in our current apartment. It’s great in some categories, and absolute shite in others. We will be searching for “greener grass” in March. We are pretty much experts in moving at this point, so who cares! I think I would stay if I had a bathtub, it would balance out everything else. Yes, it’s that important to me.
I’ve also been day-dreaming about my forever-ish house: you know, the one I get to design. (Which is the only way I will get one. Every spare house in Maine is a vacation rental at least part of the year.)
I am shamelessly using my blog as yet another message to the universe that we are indeed ready for that chapter of our life. I mean thats whats its there for…

A quiet, well designed, artistic dwelling somewhere in the woods where I can garden, build a fire, sit outside in peace, take a bath, fill my root cellar, and sauna whenever I want. It’ll happen…

I use so much energy blocking out the near constant sensory assault that is our current neighborhood, I’d like to use that energy on something more productive… like posting more often. See how things circle around?! I don’t post very often because the lighting and paint in our hallway was designed by a sociopath.

Sichuan in downtown Portland is a delight. Genevieve (friend, acupuncturist, co-worker- also a delight) is a huge fan, so we frequent.
They serve my favorite tea (almost ever).
And they make these little shoe string potatoes cooked in chili oil…

Party and Chrystina and Sean’s…

One day I’m going to steal this nugget.

That shirt now lives in my closet. I dig having talented friends.

We have a playhouse within walking distance of our house. We’ve been trying to remember that these are the sorts of things we enjoy doing, and actually do them…

Camping…

Seth and Erin…

And more camping…
This time in the back yard of Mike and Kristy’s. Equally enjoyable, and with a bathroom.

Backyard camping.

Dinner with the work crew…

We don’t do a ton of bbq because I’m very bitchy when it comes the specifics surrounding it. However it was past the point of needing to eat and Max was with us so we had some parameters. All and all pretty good. But that coleslaw was not.

Andee came up for the weekend…

Volunteer pumpkin Max and I kept an eye on during the summer.

We get creative with our mini golf.

Off to Canada!!

We met Mike and Kristy up there.

We did a lot of driving without much of plan, which is A-OK with me.
(As long as we can get to food quickly.)

Beautiful view…

L’Affaire est Ketchup won best meal.
One of my clients told me about it so we made reservations way back.
She was right.

They cooked on an old electric stove in the back. Dinner and a show.
An absolutely elevated experience in all areas: food, atmosphere, staff….

We reigned it in a bit this year on the apple picking. Last year we spent like 160$ on apples that I eventually just made into apple butter.
This year we got only eating apples. We learn.

We have a dog washing station in our building. This guy is very dramatic, you can hear him crying all over the building (thus the sign).

Anniversary number 15.
Dinner cut short by my husbands sudden battle with demons.
He went outside. I packed up our meal when It arrived, and paid the bill.
Marriage is sometimes just that.

He’s such a good boy…

https://www.lowellkinetic.com/

James and I head down to this race every year to cheer on Andee, Rudy and the Aluminum Falcon.

There is a great video about them on the first page of the above website.

I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving… (I’m thankful for you all!)
And your December is full of only fun holiday-ing.

I’d love to wish you all Merry Christmas, at Christmas, so I will be back at that time. (Unless the uneven towel rack in my bathroom finally manages to melt my brain.)

Love and miss you all so much!

I have so many words, which pretty much means I have no words.

I have to blather through or this will forever continue to be on my “todo” list. The Mr. keeps asking how my blog is coming whenever he sees me wasting time.

Silky jacket weather and my best boy…

Summer is camping…

More often than not, we go with Mike and Kristy. As you have likely figured out.
They match our vibe.

I have perfected my salsa recipe.
It is, of course, in the details: blend tomatoes, jalapeños, shallots, cilantro, and salt in the food processor, that way all the ingredients are small and the same size, perfect for getting ALL the ingredients on a chip. (Jared salsa is basically tomato sauce with too big chunks of onions and tomatoes, that is simply not okay.)
After you blend it up drain all the liquid off and either boil the liquid down to something that resembles tomato sauce, and then dump that back in with the salsa – or leave out. But watery salsa is also not okay.
I’ve also used that liquid when I make taco meat).
So it either tastes like fresh pico, or a jared salsa/pico hybrid. Both are delightful.

moxa
ˈmäk-sə 

: a soft woolly mass prepared from the ground young leaves of a Eurasian artemisia (especially Artemisia vulgaris) that is used in traditional Chinese and Japanese medicine typically in the form of sticks or cones which are ignited and placed on or close to the skin or used to heat acupuncture needles.

My love of good food is what has always stopped me from ever doing any hike-in camping.
Dehydrated food is so meh…

Omaha dogs are not.

To the best Dad ever!
I did send him these on Fathers’s Day.

I’m trying to photograph more with my phone, however the pictures are so blaaaa. (My big camera breaks my back, 20 years of lugging it everywhere takes a toll.)
**I just got a new phone, we’ll see if the upgrade does the trick.
Sometimes it IS about the equipment. I just need to watch some videos on how to use it to its full potential.
Every time I get a new camera I read the instruction manual cover to cover. Understanding your equipment is more than half the battle… I am my father’s daughter.

He’s such a handsome boy…

Rhubarb is June.

Montana!

The Mr. joined me this time. 2020 was the last time he was there.
It was a busy one.
My parents 60th wedding anniversary, my Dad’s 80th birthday, and my best friend’s wedding, all rolled up into one tidy weekend.

Montana is so full of love. I feel it for weeks after I get back.

I wish I could go there more so I didn’t need to push so much into my trips.

Breakfast with Nat.
Natalie Jean Tucker. We met in church in 1990.

The “breakfast” at the Red Lodge Lounge was the best meal we had on our trip.
They made me a mushroom and swiss and onion rings at 10am. You win a forever spot in my heart for that behavior. James had a breakfast burrito with perfectly crispy home fries. Good food makes us so happy.

It’s changed a lot in the 30+ years I have been eating there, but it is always fantastic.

Cold beverage. Hot day.

J’s first.
And last.
That kid in the background is thinking “don’t do it, it’s shit!”

King got married! and I got to be there!
It was hot and social, and lovely and bright.

I stood up with her 25 years ago when she married her first husband and I got to stand up with her again when she married Charlie. I love that I have a friendship that spans that long. Maybe it’s taboo to talk about an old marriage, while showing pictures of the new one, but I’m going to. I feel all stages of life should be celebrated, some for lessons, some for joy.

There was a lot of history at this wedding.

It was a great day…

Her best friends.

And sister. And newly crowned sister-in-law (who is an absolute doll and a perfect addition to the family).

It is surreal when you get to the inevitable ” I remember when you were born” stage in life.
But, I remember when he was born!
This is King’s son Cooper.

This gentleman (upper right) is one of the groom’s best friends, and who I was dating in 1993 when King and Charlie dated the first time. Besties dating besties. Nothing could be better in high school.

Hey Josh O’Shea! (I ran into him at the wedding ) (I know he reads my blog) is your cell number still the same?

This Lady… Over my years on this earth I have gathered a tidy collection of superior, wise – mostly scary women into my life. King’s mom “Mother Teresa” is one of those.
I feel deeply honored to be loved by her.

My dad’s 80th birthday, and my parent’s 60th wedding anniversary happened this year.
So, we had a party!

LOTS of friends and family…

My squishy new great-niece, Annie Rose.

Edward – My niece Casey Jane’s oldest son.

Billy, 1/2 of Casey Jane’s twins… unfortunately the other half, Henry, was in the hospital all weekend.

My oldest sister Mary Kay’s youngest son, Luke.

And youngest, Emma.

Cake and milk (cake in milk? I actually don’t know what the official name is – one of my ancestors just gasped). It’s a family thing, on my dad’s side.
It’s exactly what you’d think, (boxed) cake. in. milk. and it’s my favorite.

My oldest sister is a force.
She is definitely the most complex human in my life. I love her with every fiber of my being.
She picks up a lot of the slack in our family. I don’t have enough days to write on this subject.

See! It’s totally a thing.
Try it, maybe you will like it, maybe it will be your new favorite thing.
Now I want some…

My parent’s true, great love – Sam.

My brother-in law, Mark.
A unique/lovely individual. And one of my favorites.

Ethan, his girlfriend Emily, Sarah, Jeanne, Emily, Katie Grace, Annie Rose, and Tim.

My middle sister is one of my very most all-time favorite people.
I can’t sum up this picture, there is too much in it.
My sister raised some very cool kids.

AHaHaHa!!! YES! Our hotel room decor.

I hope I don’t hurt anyones feelings, because I mean this with pure love, but I feel like I’m in a reality television show when I’m home. It is so perfectly cliché sometimes, it is pure entertainment.

This is awesome… Edward (you met earlier).

We are all easily overwhelmed in my family.
We go on a lot of walks.

His favorite Montana coffee on the way out…

Chicago airport date night.

Lucky penny… It’s the only thing I collect. I have a whole jar.
I keep threatening to buy a lottery ticket with them. I don’t think I quite have 200, close.

Tomorrow, or today (whenever you are reading this) is “No Rhyme or Reason Day”.
Go do some weird shit, just because.
Most of us have the day off, so…

Until next time, Loves…

We hang with these guys a lot, they are our people.

Those are my new “hand-made by this guy” cutting boards, aren’t they beautiful…?

Spring of this year, not too far in the past.

I’m going to blow your mind when I put up a post from only a few weeks ago… I probably just jinxed myself.

I heart arts and crafts.

And also, that is sound advice.

This is Violete. Not sure if I ever introduced you all to her. She’s also one of my people.

Yoga still happens from time to time.

HaHaHa!! I look like I have a wooden leg.

More arts and crafts.
It’s one of the few things that will consistently pull me out of my house…

One more post on the way!
It’s a big one though, from our trip back to Montana… See you soon-ish.

If I don’t see you again today, have a wonderful rest of your day!
Mine is turning out lovely.
After I finish up here, we are going to go sit on a patio and have a burger, then I have one quick client, then off to the new farmers market they started close to my house, then another quick client, then likely dinner on the roof- because its summer and the weather is perfect for al fresco dining.

This isn’t current. Not even close.
This is still more fun than whatever else is in your inbox…

This is from our first trip to Montreal a couple years ago.

Poutine tastes better in Canada.

Good advice…

The botanical garden there is with the trip. It’s still one of my favorite adventures in the last 5 years…

This means no bugs…

I stumbled upon a Barbie exhibit in the basement of a mall that I also stumbled upon.

I appreciate detail, in all forms.

See you very soon…

Lucidity, my old friend…

I love these images. I love camping. I miss Wynn.
2021 seems like forever ago. Time is going too fast.

More camping in 2025. The Mr. will agree.

Our anniversary trip to North Conway (New Hampshire).
I have stopped wearing my wedding dress out on our anniversary, it’s kinda starting to fall apart.
Although, I can’t think of a better way for it to go.

I heart dog friendly.

Giant crocuses, that bloomed at the end of September.

I guess we are working from the end of the camping trip, to the beginning.

Cucumber sandwiches are a must.

I remember the light being so green. Other-worldly feeling.

This leaf was hanging by an invisible thread in the middle of the road.
We were entertained for longer than we should’ve been by it.

Another camping trip.
We camped a lot that summer.

And more cucumber sandwiches.

Look at that! Two in one day!

I did not get to take a nap today, I hope you all did.

Now I really want food cooked over fire.

See you next time, Loves…

More from my time at the Farm…
Some from the first year, some from the second… all kinda jumbled – like my feelings.

This is going to be a long one. It’s time to close this chapter.

My years on the Farm was the catalyst to getting my mental health in check.
I was having regular panic attacks.
I weighed about 75 lbs.
I cried a lot.
Dissociating was my bff.
My perfectionism and low self worth were at an all time high (and that’s saying something).

Looking back now, I’m proud of the last 4 years. But at the time… woof.

Ahhh Brian… you remember him, I introduced you in the last farm post.
He was one of my biggest cheerleaders while I was there.

I have lived so many places and met so many people.
My shrunken, usually overwhelmed frontal lobe has a hard time spreading the friendship love around. I used to get down on myself for not staying in contact with all the awesomeness that has come my way over my lifetime, but I learned to give myself some grace.

Living in a guilt/shame spiral will turn your nervous system into soup, and not good soup: a soup with rice.

Friends for a reason.
Friends for a season.
Friends for life.

I have so many people that fall into all those categories.
People I’d still go out of my way to give a giant hug to.

My second intern, Mal, whom you will meet in a second (the one who eventually took over my job) never experienced a lobster boil. Brian fixed that within the first week of her arrival. Because he’s that guy.

So very Maine.

(Only now, three years later, can I look at this and see anything other than utter failure.)
I loved this job so much, until I realized it was going to kill me in very short order. Turns out you can be gifted at growing vegetables, but totally unsuited for every other aspect of farm management.

I had to do this job, because it was my dream, and I was going to chase it forever. The universe handed me this to get it out of my system, so I could see first-hand that farming was not my path.
I see that now.
At the time, it completely shattered my spirit… into a thousand little cucumber beetles.

Every time it rained the whole farm turned into a swamp. Surprise!
Mother Nature is my girl, but she is a terrible boss.

First time growing in a high tunnel.
If we wouldn’t have had this, the whole second year would have been a complete wash.
Non-stop rain and wildly erratic temperatures THE. ENTIRE. SUMMER.

Perfectionists should not be farmers. Trust me on this.

Pretty glad I hadn’t completely given up drinking at that time.

I made maple syrup.
It’s certainly not as fun as it sounds.
It should retail for seven hundred dollars an ounce.

All this…

Made this…

However, without a doubt the best maple syrup I have ever tasted.

Seed starting makes my heart sing… Its still my favorite part of growing.

So
Many
Slivers

Why don’t I wear gloves you ask…. It comes from the same place that tells me I don’t need potholders.

This is broccoli rabe, but with cauliflower.
An utter delight.

Is that not the most beautiful bulb of garlic…?

Mushroom walks in the surrounding woods…

They loved all the outside time, but holy SHIT the ticks!
Absolutely mind boggling as to how many I picked off/out of me, and them.
Gross.

Sungold cherry tomatoes are the best cherry tomato.
Hands down.
Just so you know.

He continues to love me in spite of it all.
The illusion of me and the reality of me are, mmm….not the same.
We will leave it at that.

Best part was growing veg I wouldn’t normally grow… like fennel.
It’s beautiful, and fun to grow.
I just don’t like the flavor so I never grew it.

This is Mal… Absolute heart of gold. I miss her terrible.

Blueberry picking.
Also very Maine.

Yoga in the barn…

Meg on one of her weekly meal supply runs.

So ya, that’s the Farm.
And now I can be done with that part of my hard drive as well. It’s full of folders named “chaos” and “mess”.
Incredibly fitting.

Huge Cleansing Breath.

I’m ready for summer. I’m typing this while still wearing my coat from this morning’s walk.
I just can’t seem to be warm unless I’m under blankets, and taking off a perfectly good layer seems like madness.
Winter can go now.

It’s World Napping Day, today.
In case you need a reason.

Until next time, Loves…

Maine is having winter… I love seasons, but in most of the places I’ve lived, winter gets old very quickly.
I started this on one snow day, and now here I am trying to finish on another snow day.

I turned 47 at the end of January. I’m still trying to get to that sweet spot where I’m happy to be alive, and also over the feeling my body is completely falling apart.
I was an epic moron in my teens and twenty’s. I drank, I smoked, I did drugs. I was all-in for whatever came my way.
My good decisions were accidents.
I oscillate between being grateful for my path, and wholly disappointed and horrified with it.
“You deserve this, you did it to yourself…”
What a shit show.
Gross… a pity post.

Enough of that!
So, I don’t feel guilty about being a big, fat wet blanket, here are 47 things I’m grateful for…
-My (semi) warm apartment with big windows where I can lay and watch the snow come down.
-My dog who adores the winter, and snow.
-I have a job I’m excited to go to, and takes me less than five minutes to get to by foot.
-My ENTIRE clientele is lovely.
-I walk everyday.
-I have lived in some very cool places and met some very cool people.
-I get to travel home every year to see my Montana family.
-Canada is less than 6 hours by car.
-My husband is still one of my best friends.
-Grocery shopping.
-Holy shit 47 is a lot.
-All the people I consider friends.
-Carbonated water.
-Christmas lights
-Friday nights with the Ducketts
-I adore my siblings.
-Paint sample cards
-Apple picking
-Carrots right out of the dirt.
-Nature
-Crafting.
-Feeling inspired, when it actually happens.
-Lemon Bars.
-I can still touch my toes.
-Homemade sourdough bread, that I am so close to perfecting.
-Key Lime Pie
-Symmetry.
-Thrift stores.
-Beautiful light.
-Overalls.
-Car rides to nowhere in particular.
-Tea.
-Knowing how to take the picture I see in my mind.
-Boundaries.
-16 years with Wynn. (Although no amount of time was ever going to be enough with her.)
-Scarves.
-The ability to change.
-Open-mindedness.
-Cheese.
-Living within minutes of the ocean.
-I possess skills that make me desirable in the apocalypse.
-I now communicate my feelings even if it makes me feel uncomfortable.
-Drag Queens.
-I still see glimmers of hope everywhere, even when I feel hopeless.
-I get to wear whatever I want to work.
-Meaningful conversations.
-Lamps.
-Having a place to share my thoughts and photographs.


A few oldies from Christmas…
For the last two years we have spent Christmas with Andee and Rudy down in Northern Mass. It’s a relatively short trip that we can schedule around traffic. We cook very good food while watching a pre-determined selection of Christmas movies.
Simple and laid back is generally all I want for Christmas.

I do love games. Visiting while having something to do with my hands…

Ramen and Christmas lights.

I’ll be back in a minute. I want to do a quick post with some summery stuff.
I need summery stuff.

Photographing certain items is my way of saying hello to friends and family. Just to shed light on why there is certain items on repeat.

Flamingos for King

Mushrooms (usually toadstools) and owls for Alanna.

“Noel” signs for “Leon”.

Flowers for my mom. Daisy’s for my middle sister.

Giant, creepy hand sculptures for everyone.

This is the best Jersey diner in New Jersey. According to myself.
I’m sure everyone in NJ has a very loud opinion on this subject.

We eat there on the way back out of town every time we go visit James’ family.

I’ve posted pictures in the past of the botanical gardens up in Boothbay, this is them at holiday time…
They do a whole thing.

I never get tired of this effect.
Christmas meets Star Trek.

I call this one ” Max and Friend at Warp”.

Pre-Christmas, Christmas dinner with the crew.

We got to eat at the grown up table.

Simple explanation to this amount of Christmas: Elisabeth is Jewish.

We made it on the paper chain!

Happy day after, the day after Christmas, Loves! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
See you in the New Year…

I have been on a declutter/efficiency journey for several years now.
Clutter is chaos, chaos is overwhelm, overwhelm is inefficient.
I find myself on a constant quest to eliminate “stuff” from my life.
Unimportant. Stagnated. Redundant. It’s all gotta go.

I’m never disappointed in a day of scrounging around thrift stores. It’s like the universe wants you to do it, so it rewards you with treasures – like this skirt.
It is so beautifully made – it gives me an excuse to wear a petticoat.
AND it has pockets!
And not just any pockets, ones that are obviously designed by someone who also loves pockets.
They are too well thought through to be random.

We went on an adventure…

I dig being this close to Canada.
Quebec City feels like you should have needed to get on a plane to be there.

Missing you…

Snails.

You always knew you were close to one of these shops.
Popcorn smell travels.
It’s like the official smell of QC.

I’m happy you were born!

Fall trip to the botanical gardens.

I learned that there are evergreens that are not ever – green.
This is a larch. Its needles turn this color and shed like a deciduous tree in the fall.

This is Chrystina, one of the cooler people in Maine.

I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving…
I am thankful for you.

From way back in 2021. Forever ago.
We still lived in downtown Portland.
I do not long for those days.

I did however love that stove. Tiny and efficient.

I prefer my cannoli plain, but I would certainly never turn one down.

Blueberry cheesecake for me, Coffee for him. Predictable.

I remember this…
It was full blown pandemic. We used to get in the car and just drive for hours.
We found a country cafe that had opened a few tables outside.
Last minute jam session with the locals. Simple and memorable.

Food cooked by someone else, that isn’t takeout, is one of my favorite things.
I like going out to eat, I rarely want takeout – food gets weird in containers.

Slab, home of the very best meatball sub in history.
But, they are now closed.

Happy Sunday Funday, Loves…