More from my time at the Farm…
Some from the first year, some from the second… all kinda jumbled – like my feelings.

This is going to be a long one. It’s time to close this chapter.

My years on the Farm was the catalyst to getting my mental health in check.
I was having regular panic attacks.
I weighed about 75 lbs.
I cried a lot.
Dissociating was my bff.
My perfectionism and low self worth were at an all time high (and that’s saying something).

Looking back now, I’m proud of the last 4 years. But at the time… woof.

Ahhh Brian… you remember him, I introduced you in the last farm post.
He was one of my biggest cheerleaders while I was there.

I have lived so many places and met so many people.
My shrunken, usually overwhelmed frontal lobe has a hard time spreading the friendship love around. I used to get down on myself for not staying in contact with all the awesomeness that has come my way over my lifetime, but I learned to give myself some grace.

Living in a guilt/shame spiral will turn your nervous system into soup, and not good soup: a soup with rice.

Friends for a reason.
Friends for a season.
Friends for life.

I have so many people that fall into all those categories.
People I’d still go out of my way to give a giant hug to.

My second intern, Mal, whom you will meet in a second (the one who eventually took over my job) never experienced a lobster boil. Brian fixed that within the first week of her arrival. Because he’s that guy.

So very Maine.

(Only now, three years later, can I look at this and see anything other than utter failure.)
I loved this job so much, until I realized it was going to kill me in very short order. Turns out you can be gifted at growing vegetables, but totally unsuited for every other aspect of farm management.

I had to do this job, because it was my dream, and I was going to chase it forever. The universe handed me this to get it out of my system, so I could see first-hand that farming was not my path.
I see that now.
At the time, it completely shattered my spirit… into a thousand little cucumber beetles.

Every time it rained the whole farm turned into a swamp. Surprise!
Mother Nature is my girl, but she is a terrible boss.

First time growing in a high tunnel.
If we wouldn’t have had this, the whole second year would have been a complete wash.
Non-stop rain and wildly erratic temperatures THE. ENTIRE. SUMMER.

Perfectionists should not be farmers. Trust me on this.

Pretty glad I hadn’t completely given up drinking at that time.

I made maple syrup.
It’s certainly not as fun as it sounds.
It should retail for seven hundred dollars an ounce.

All this…

Made this…

However, without a doubt the best maple syrup I have ever tasted.

Seed starting makes my heart sing… Its still my favorite part of growing.

So
Many
Slivers

Why don’t I wear gloves you ask…. It comes from the same place that tells me I don’t need potholders.

This is broccoli rabe, but with cauliflower.
An utter delight.

Is that not the most beautiful bulb of garlic…?

Mushroom walks in the surrounding woods…

They loved all the outside time, but holy SHIT the ticks!
Absolutely mind boggling as to how many I picked off/out of me, and them.
Gross.

Sungold cherry tomatoes are the best cherry tomato.
Hands down.
Just so you know.

He continues to love me in spite of it all.
The illusion of me and the reality of me are, mmm….not the same.
We will leave it at that.

Best part was growing veg I wouldn’t normally grow… like fennel.
It’s beautiful, and fun to grow.
I just don’t like the flavor so I never grew it.

This is Mal… Absolute heart of gold. I miss her terrible.

Blueberry picking.
Also very Maine.

Yoga in the barn…

Meg on one of her weekly meal supply runs.

So ya, that’s the Farm.
And now I can be done with that part of my hard drive as well. It’s full of folders named “chaos” and “mess”.
Incredibly fitting.

Huge Cleansing Breath.

I’m ready for summer. I’m typing this while still wearing my coat from this morning’s walk.
I just can’t seem to be warm unless I’m under blankets, and taking off a perfectly good layer seems like madness.
Winter can go now.

It’s World Napping Day, today.
In case you need a reason.

Until next time, Loves…